Written by Contributing Writer, William Ballard
Subject: Revive Your Relationship, Part 1
Speaker: Senior Pastor Brent Calhoun (Wednesday Night Bible Study | 7:30PM)
Ecclesiastes 4:7-13 (KJV)
7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun. 8 There is one alone, and there is not a second; yea, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail. 9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 13 Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished.
Pastor opened up this series with a powerful point and truth. He said, "You are blessed to have a relationship with someone and you do not have the right to control them! But understand Gods has given us the order of creation."
One of the very first steps to having a happy relationship is understanding that you are blessed to have a companion, but you do not own that person, or control that person. Each person that is in a relationship must always understand that they are not forced to be in an abusive relationship. To anyone that is in a married relationship, you must never make your spouse feel like he or she must obey you, but if there is a matter of contention in a relationship it takes wisdom and obedience to God's Word to resolve that tension.
Substance of the Teaching:
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
It is important to understand that there is a Divine order in the home and the man is given the place of authority over the woman in the home just as God has authority over the man. Husbands must honor their wives as someone that is not as strong as they are (in the physical sense) because wives are heirs together of living a life blessed by God. Pastor emphasized that if a man does not follow God's example his prayers could be hindered.
Ir in a confrontation consider these tips (right from Pastor's notes):
- Clear your mind, ask God to help you express yourself
- You will have negative thoughts in your head, focus on replacing them with positive ones. (I know we can work this out).
- Expect good results, show respect and be kind as you try to find a solution. You are influenced by your speech and expectations.
- It is not fair to judge and criticize before you listen to the other persons concerns and fears.
- Never use profanity or personal attacks as this shows you are the one that has an inferior complex.
- If you are willing to give then the other will give also. Evaluate your own motives and set an example. This always moves things in the right direction.
- Don’t focus on the past argument, don’t bring up the past, take a shovel and go in the back yard, dig a hole and have a ceremony. Put the past to rest and focus on the future. It takes 3 country singers to sing about how we miss the old light bulb, but it only takes one person with a will to change and we can have a new light on a situation.
- Stop telling the world other people’s shortcomings, you’re not that great yourself and it is destructive to tear down. If you tell someone how bad your spouse is they will agree. If you tell someone how great your spouse is they will agree. ( if you tell your mother your problems she will despise your spouse and then your spouse will be very uncomfortable around her).
Positive Aspects to Building Relationships (Right from Pastor's notes):
- Show appreciation for each other.
- Applaud one another, (congratulate, put your hands together).
- Give words of admiration, concerning (looks, appearance, clothes).
- Talk about things that are positive and learn to communicate.
- Dream together, go somewhere and dream about your future.
- Set goals together for your finances, for your kids, talk about things and track your goals.
- Your relationship won’t change itself, change your mindset.
- Keep your word.
- If you make a mistake, admit you failed.
- Be realistic about your expectations.
- Show affection every time you get.
- Be loyal and make your spouse feel like prize.
- Don’t hide things from your spouse.
- Encourage each other and Laugh together.
Here are 3 tips to change your relationship
First, you must ask yourself this question: Do you want your relationship to work?
If the answer is yes, then do these three things you will see a definite difference. Always remember and understand this truth: You do not own the other person and when you married them you made the choice to accept them for who they are and not to change them.
1) Bury Your Past
Speak vision and not history! Focus on tomorrow and not yesterday!
2) Do Three Nice Things For Your Spouse Everyday
A text, email, or a note can go a long way. Give him or her a chocolate bar, a coffee on the night stand, or simply speak blessings into your relationship rather than curses.
3) Pick Three Things That You Can Do to Improve Your Relationship
Resolve to change yourself rather than seek to change your spouse (which will only cause frustration) and you will noticed that you will receive better results.
Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
You don't want to miss next week's part 2 of this "Revive Your Relationship" series! It will surely change your relationships and your life! Visit our Calendar page for details.